Wednesday, August 8, 2012


Miss Navy

Eight months
19 pounds
Sitting up
Feeding herself
Healthy eater
Healthy sleeper
Smiles all day
Smiles when you say "cheese"
Has three bins FULL of clothes she cannot fit in anymore
Has two teeth
LOVES bath time
Survived the AZ heat for a month
Has her own cell phone
Loves Angel (he does not feel the same way)
Loves Phineas and Ferb
Still sweet

Thursday, May 24, 2012

End of Season Wrap-Up

So after a season of TV.....

Family Guy
Cleveland Show
America Dad
Bob's Burgers
Walking Dead
Once Upon a Time
Pan Am
Mad Men
Celebrity Apprentice

How I met your mother
Playboy Club

Rachel Zoe
New Girl
Raising Hope
American Idol

Top Chef
Up All Night
X Factor
Harry's Law
American Horror Story
Modern Family

The Office
Parks and Rec
30 Rock (in January 2012)



I mean I knocked a few off the list. 

I now only have 22 hours of TV

Next Season American Idol is off the list. You can thank Phillip Phillips for that. 

Friday, May 11, 2012

Things i'm afraid to tell you...

So I have thought about this post a lot....but today miss gave me the courage.

This has been floating around thanks to Creature Comforts. The minute I saw it I wanted to do it, but I was scared. To make myself so very vunerable is frightining. But I am going to do it. To show we who blog have a heart and soul. We have fears. 

1. I still crave my drug of choice. Addiction is hard. My addiction was hard. I go about  my life most  of the time doing what I need to do to stay sober. Sometimes, I have to sit still and not leave my house. If any addict tells you they are over it, they are on their way back. There are days when my life gets to be too much and I crave. And that is when I pray, read my scriptures, text, heytell, gchat. That is when I write in my journal over and over again...."my life is good". Sometimes I get so angry inside that I have to deal with this for the rest of my life. And then I remember others deal with a lot more. And it calms me down. 

2. I am obsessed with my weight to the point of an eating disorder. I survive on about 700 calories a day. I laugh and joke about it...but it is real. And I won't stop. My weight carries every inch of my self -confidence and it makes me sick. I tell my Young Women every Sunday to love themselves no matter what, and I cannot do the same. I have a goal weight I am trying to achieve and I am afraid I will not stop when I get there. 

3. On most days I feel like I don't belong. I am an only child. My parents are divorced. My father is re-married and his beautiful wife has five fabulous children. They all include me and are so kind to me. I sometimes get all wrapped up in thinking I belong with them. And then, there are glimpses, times, and realizations, that I do not. I am not their sibling. I am not their blood. And it's really hard. Because I love them and to be honest I want to belong. I have family all around me that love me...but they have their own families and siblings. I am usually odd man out. Because I am the only one in my family. I have in-laws who love me, but again, I do not really belong. 

4. I constantly worry that people do not like me and because of that I act tougher than I am in order to protect myself. If you asked me "who likes you" I would probably answer "my husband and my bestie....others tolerate me". I tried for so long to make my parents like me when I was growing up and never really felt that they did. And so that has carried over. I also has an experience in High School that has SERIOUSLY stayed with me all these years and I worry at any moment all of my friends will throw up their hands and say "I'm out". I have a pretty soft heart and a desire to do good. But I am afraid if I show that, I will get hurt.

5. I do not want to ever vacation anywhere but Disneyland. Even when presented with other choices. It drives bestie mad, it puzzles my husband, it makes others laugh, but it is the truth.

6. I cry when I go to concerts and watch singing competitions because that is what I want to do. It's hard knowing your dream is gone. It's hard choosing other dreams. It's hard telling people I sing and watch their eyes roll...I want to scream at them "fool I am good". Because I am good. That is the one thing I know for sure.

7. I am worried I am a bad friend. My friends mean a lot to me. And over the years I have had a lot. But I have had two that I regret losing touch with. Just barely have I started re-connecting with them, but I feel awkward. I know the reason we are not friends is because of the self-destructive behavior I displayed years back. I don't know how to tell them that I want a relationship with them again, because I feel too much time has passed and perhaps I am not the girl they liked before. Both girls were in my first wedding party and I wonder if watching what went down with me over the years since then has made them leery of me. I worry about losing my best friend. I have a hard time juggling time and I worry that one day I will wake up and she will be over it. I worry other friends will see through me to the insecure, crier that I am and move on. 

8. I blasted Coldplays "Paradise" last night in my car. 

This has made me seem very weak. And maybe that is the point.

Anyways...I took the challenge to heart. 

It this is what you got. 

9. I just texted my bestie and told her I was afraid to post this.

Thursday, May 10, 2012


Miss Navy.

Five Months
Sixteen Pounds
Rolls over (when her mom and dad are not looking)
Eats yummy fruits and vegetables (peas are her favorite)
Moved up a size in diapers
Smiles, laughes, coos, talks, sings
Loves the Duck Song (thanks Grammie for that) 
Went on her first road trip...12 hours in the car and she did great
Loves to be outside 
Taking baths in the big girl bath...and loving it
Still sweet

Wednesday, May 9, 2012


This past Sunday I taught my combined Young Women.

My lesson was on being kind to one another. 

On not judging.

On not gossiping.

I realized (which I already knew) I am the biggest offender of these things. 

I made a stop it.

I am surrounded by great women.

We may not share the same interests or goals.

But I learn from all of them.

How sad I would be if ill things were said about me. 

I have been the recipient of hurt on my blog....and it is not fun. 

But I just have to move on and know that there is good in everyone.

And so to all women I ask that we try it out. 

Hold our tongues
Accept our differences
Learn to love
Make new friends
Be slow to anger
Stop judging

I promise I will too.

Who is with me?

Monday, April 30, 2012

7 of 30

What is your dream job, and why?

This has changed a bit. 

I actually have two.

1. Country Singer. But like real country. Not the fake crap that is on the radio right now. Real gritty, hurtin', twangy, country. Old school.

2. Speaker. Like, speak to youth about loving yourself and being loved. Let them know that high school does not matter. Make a difference in one life. Tell them drugs are bad.

But, I am a mom. And honestly, I can think of nothing better.


I love AZ.

So much.

And so did Navy.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012




House Hunting.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


Miss Navy.

Four months
15 pounds (8 of it in her cheeks)
Laughs and giggles
Rolls over
Has more clothes than she should
Will start solid foods in two weeks
Getting ready for her first road trip
Loves looking at herself in the mirror
Has a kickin bald spot
Will have full on conversations in her crib with her cow and bear
Her favorite song is (sittin on) The Dock of the Bay
We are starting to see a little Parker in her
Still sweet

6 of 30

What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced

ok this picture. see those two girls to the right of me. i love them with all my heart. they are my sisters. see the one in the middle.....she is my heart. oh and....i am so HIGH in this picture. it was taken one week before i went to jail. FYI.

 In my 35 years I have experienced a lot of hard things.

Physical abuse
Divorce of my parents
Almost losing my sweet Navy

I have learned so much from them. They have made me better. 

One I could have done without is almost losing that sweet girl in the middle up there. 

I am so lucky to have adopted 4 sisters and 1 brother 5 years ago. I love them all like they are my own, and year by year I love them more.

But for some reason that one up there just has a special place in my heart. 

Perhaps it is because when I got sober we were the only two single.

Perhaps it is because when I got sober her and I just bonded.

I don't know but whatever it is...I love her like my own flesh and blood. 

She was in a car accident almost two years ago that almost took her from us. I remember the dreaded phone call from my dad. We were at dinner and I just broke down. I remember just praying and praying that she would be ok. I was physically ill. I was an emotional wreck. 

She pulled through. She is amazing and now that sweet little girl has a sweet husband and sweet baby boy. 

I cannot wait to meet him this week. 

5 of 30

What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now

this is one of those pure bliss moments. here is my bestie, future husband, and i on our way to california. our first stop was two days in disneyland. it was fab. 

1. The excitement of going to AZ!!!! I cannot wait to see my family and meet all the sweet littles that have been born. I cannot wait for them to meet Navy. I cannot wait for the heat. I cannot wait for lunch with friends. I just cannot wait.
2. My sweet baby girl. She makes me happy every day.
3. My husband...I have a good husband. 
4. The hope that ONE day my bangs will be grown out because right now is HELL.
5. The Atonement

What makes you happy?

Saturday, April 7, 2012

4 of 30

List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could

I don't have any pics of when I was 16, so here is one when I played a 16 year old.

10. Quit matching your scrunchie to your outfits...better yet quit wearing scrunchies.
9. Contempo Casuals will not be cool in the future. Invest more in J.Crew.
8. Read your scriptures every day. Gain your testimony NOW.
7. You do not need to get married young. Your perfect man will wait until you are 32.
5. Stick closer to your friend Carrie through the years.
4. Don't do drugs
3. You are a beautiful daughter of God. Remember that.
2. Choose your friends wisely, your bestie will wait for you.
1. When you die your hair platinum blonde and then you go to have 6 months worth of white trash grow out. Stick to dark. Quit trying to change who you are and realize you are great.

What would YOU tell your 16 year old self?

Friday, April 6, 2012

3 of 30

Describe your relationship with your parents

My mom.

My mom lives in North Salt Lake, so like 5 minutes away.

We see her at least 3 times a week (she really loves Navy...but who doesn't).

Our relationship has had it's ups and downs. She had to deal with most of this. In fact my sweet mom was the one who called the cops and turned me in. All in the name of saving me. And if you are a mom, you can imagine the pain she went through as the North Salt Lake police department put her little girl in handcuffs and hauled her off to jail. 

She has been through a lot in her life and has always stayed true to the gospel. She is such an example of strength in testimony. She never gave up on me.

I feel like our relationship gets better every day. She trusts me and loves me and I know this. And for a long time I didn't. I am grateful for her and the things she has done for me. 

My dad.

I don't know if you can tell by this picture...but I look exactly like him.

And what is funny is I act like him too.

I have noticed lately that certain words I use...certain phrasings....the way I react....are my dad.

He and my bonus mom live in Gilbert, AZ but we try to see them at least twice a year.

As of late, my dad and I have had a great relationship. We are pretty similar so that could help. 

Whenever I have a gospel question, I go to my dad. He is so well versed in the scriptures and church history that any question I have he can usually answer. We tend to be interested in the same we can have great conversations on U.S. history, military history, and shoes (that last part is not true).

He is the ultimate host, so when we go to AZ we are treated like royalty by my dad and his sweet wife. 

I love them both so very much

side note: i know my bonus mom did not raise me, but she has been a mother to me in the short time they have been married. she married my dad when i was a drug addict and went through all the crap of rehab, relapse, and jail. in that time she has always loved me and looked out for me and treated me like one of her own. she is an outstanding person and a true example of christ-like love.

So how about is YOUR relationship with your parents?

Thursday, April 5, 2012

2 of 30

Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears

It was easier to think of miss's fears than mine.


But here we go...

1. Unfinished basements. I hate them. They creep me out. Before all the town homes in our complex were sold you could see into a couple. And one had an unfinished basement. It made my hands hurt...even in broad daylight. I have no idea where this came from.

2. Haunted houses. HATTTTTTE them. I will sit through any scary movie, but ask me to go to a haunted house and the answer is no. I trace this back to the first haunted house I went to. I had just bought a new Abercrombie sweater (look it was 1998...I went through a phase). The haunted house scared me so much I ran and ran and snagged my sweater...causing there to be a big hole in said sweater. Stupid haunted houses.

3. Losing anyone I love. When I was a freshman in high school my uncle was killed in a freak accident. From that day on I am so afraid of losing people I love. Like I will call you 3094857398457 times if you are not to my house when you say you will be. Not because you are late, but because I am afraid you have died. 

4. Carni folk. Enough said.

So...what are your fears? 

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Thirty things in Thirty days

While browsing Pinterest I came upon this on the most darling blog...

click image to go to page

I am going to do this.

Thirty things in Thirty days on my blog. 

Starting today....

List 20 random facts about myself.

1. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

2. I was born an only child but I now have 7 sisters and 3 brothers

3. One of those sisters is my bestie

4. I hate the word bestie but now it is habit to use it

5. I have tried out for American Idol

6. I can play the guitar

7. I love football, like I really love it. I don't just fake it to get a boy to like me.

8. I have a bit of OCD. Like closet doors need to be closed or I itch

9. No matter how long I live in Utah my home will always be Arizona

10. The best chicken nuggets I have EVER had were in jail

11. I have three second cousins whom I consider nieces and nephews

12. I am super blunt

13. I am slowly but surely losing the baby weight. Hopefully I will be back to normal in 2078

13. My favorite movie is All About Eve

14. I will forever think that Buffy the Vampire Slayer was the best show that ever was

15. I drive a 2011 black Mazda CR-7 with the plates SWEETJ

16. I can sing most any sitcom theme song

17. I think John C. Reilly is super attractive

18. I am surrounded by really great friends

19. I do not wear deodorant....never have...I don't sweat

20. I have an issue with heights.....even if I think of high hands hurt. 

How about you? What is one random fact about you?


This weekend Ed and I took our annual April conference trip to Logan.

We ate delicious food and delightful cupcakes.

But the BEST part about it was conference.

I LOVE General Conference. It renews me and makes me want to be better.

It was a slap upside the head reminding me of things I need to work on. 

President Uchtdorf and Elder Holland especially.

Reminders to be kind, charitable, and have Christ-like love for those around me.

I will do it. I can do it.

I will..."be kind and be grateful God is kind".

God was so kind to me...he has helped me turn my life around and has given me the incredible life I have now.

I know this gospel is true.

And I am grateful for the great men that lead us.

Friday, March 30, 2012

It is your birthday....


Today is a day of birthdays....

Traci my cousin

This beautiful lady turns 40....can you believe it. I hope I look like her at 40.

Read all about her and her greatness here.

My second cousin Boe...who is more my niece.

She turns the big 7 today.

See the video she made that makes me smile on every bad day here. You will die.

My sweet boy Angelus.

He turns 8 today.

Sweet boy....he saved my life you know. Literally.

So happy day to all!!! 

Hopefully only one of you still eats their own poop.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Chicken Salad Sandwich

Two years ago at the Relief Society Broadcast I took miss....

We have kind of started a tradition...we switch off stakes...mine one year hers the next.

Aubs and I always joke about chicken salad sandwiches.

Mormon staple.

They are everywhere. 

I like my bonus mom's and usually only at the beach....but that is really it.

Aubs...well....not a fan.

So we show up, as we walk in she says

"if they are serving chicken salad sandwiches i am out"

And guess what...they did.

And I laughed and laughed. 

So today as my mom took me to lunch at the Joseph Smith Memorial I had to laugh. 

On the menu....

The BEST Chicken Salad Sandwich. in? 

Wednesday, March 28, 2012


In the blog world there are crafty fabulous people.

I am not one of them...I am just a recovering addict with great taste.

And there are things out there that these bloggers make...that I want. 

And this week the two things that topped my list...I finally procured.

A sweet family portrait by ashmae


baby moccs by freshly picked.

Do you die???

I do.

I mean I have ashmae hanging in my home and those baby moccs are worn by celebrity tots. All this thanks to bestie and her sweet contacts and birthday gifts.


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Random Things....

The floors in Navy's nursery are SQUEEKY. So in order to stare at her when she sleeps (creepy) I have to do a mine field like jaunt across the floor to her crib as to not wake her up.

Today I ordered a photo book. I am a mom.

Thoughts on the mix tape? I have gotten mixed reviews. I am sure you are ALL thinking that the GNR on it is the best. That or "Another Night" by Real McCoy...that was a GEM I was happy to re-discover.

I am couponing. Ed and I made a deal...he puts a certain amount into my account for food and such and whatever is left over will go towards a Disneyland trip in November. I am ROCKING it. I mean I even went to customer service to argue about the price of cereal. I am serious about it.

Today I became an adult. I was able to be put on the auto insurance WITHOUT hurting our cost. In fact...I helped it. Big day y'all...big day.

Mad Men was......perfection. Everything I hoped for. 

I miss my best friend. Meh.

VACATION! Ed and I are going to Logan again this year for conference..THEN...I am going to AZ for two weeks. HOLLA.

Did any of you watch the Young Women's Broadcast? My Young Women were in it. They were the most beautiful ones. 

I love being surrounded by strong, funny, capable women. 

Saw the Hunger Games and it did not disappoint. It was beautifully done and I found the camera work captivating.

Friday, March 23, 2012

And as J Biebs said....

Baby, Baby, Baby oh......

In one year Grammie Lori has had 4 new grandbabies.

Harper, Zane, Navy, and Madden

Navy will be surrounded by cousins her age.

I mean we need to move to AZ.


And today we make it five.

Nikki will bring sweet Ruby into the world today and I could not be more excited!

All five....born in a year. 

I love these babies and their mommies and daddies.

Hurray for family!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Watch your mailbox

Your mix tapes are on their way.

3 CD's in all.

54 Songs.

I hope you all listen to every song.

I was considering putting a track listing on here....but decided y'all should just listen.

If you have a question about a song or if you want the track listing email me.

There are some gems.


There is also Coldplay.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Mom's Sugar Cookies

There are a few holidays in the year when my mothers sugar cookies are required.

I usually put in a request for them.

But this St. Patrick's Day I took it on my self.

I truly believe my mothers recipe is the best.

Try it out and tell me what you think.

3/4 cup butter
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup sugar
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt

Mix it all....let dough chill for one hour.

Cut them out....bake at 400....6-8 minutes.

The frosting is a little harder for me to measure out. I usually just start with like...

1/2 cup powder sugar
2-4 Tablespoons of butter
2 Tablespoons milk
1 Tablespoon vanilla

The consistency needs to be thick enough to spread. So keep adding powdered sugar and or milk to get your desired consistency.

Yum....thank goodness Easter is coming up.

Friday, March 16, 2012

True Story......

I just started crying with excitement at the start of this post.

Tonight is the night.

Miranda Lambert. 

Oh how I love her.

Like we go back....

I think you, as my readers, know I am not a fan of new country. It makes my heart sad.

Except for a select few.

Miranda....she is like a female Merle or Waylon or Hank.

She sings REAL country. No crossover crap. 

Look...let me give you some reasons I love her...

1. When I was in jail, I kept to myself to rehabilitate...but there was a girl who had a radio and every time "Famous in a Small Town" came on, she would try and switch it....and I would damn near cut a b to get her to keep it on the channel. That is not an exaggeration...I had words with that girl more than once. Miranda was my bright spot sometimes. And that song will always have a special place in my heart. 

2. I did the whole Nashville Star thing the same year she did. I mean I did not make it on TV...but I made it pretty far. I said I was going on to bring back strong female country singers. Well Miranda did that for me.

3. She is a song-writer. And she writes more than break-up songs and cheesy poppy crap. 

4. She shreds on the guitar.

5. Blake and Miranda = George and Tammy...without the tragedy

6.  Girl baby Navy loves her....her favorite song is "Baggage Claim" unedited. Navy is pretty hardcore.

I die for tonight. I had the chance to see her in Vegas when we went to see Oasis...but we went to Tesla instead. And I was sad. Not about Tesla of course...but that I missed out on Miranda.

She is rowdy and strong and fabulous and beautiful.

And BONUS this is Ed's first country concert. I mean he has NO idea what he is in for. 

I die.

Here come the tears.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Bestie Gifts.....

are the best.

Aubry knows me and who I am and what I like.

So she always nails it.

This year was no exception.

It started with a ball covered in confetti....and ended as....

and ...

1. Party favors...all that could be folded into the sweet compact ball
2. Things from J. Crew that could be taken back for J. Crew cash...last year for my birthday it was a size two Nordstrom mini dress...returned for Nordstrom cash.
3. A FAMILY PORTRAIT FROM ASHMAE ......I die for her. I am waiting for her to do the Bountiful Temple. I just die die die for her. bestie is perfection.

See how she did it here.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Because tomorrow is my birthday......

I should buy myself a treat...or two.

35 is going to be a great year.


Miss Navy.

Three months
Blessed and official
Sucks her fingers
Grabs at things
Chubby cheeks
Smiles big when her mom sings old R&B hits
Rockin a sweet schedule that includes 12 hours of sleep at night
Sleeping out of her Angel Wrap....(that was a tough one)
Still sweet

Tuesday, March 6, 2012


These beautiful people are the Williams (well Carrie is a Horejs now).

From left....

Carrie was my best friend in High School.

I have great memories of her and I....she is lovely and has not aged a year.

Her family is like a second family to me. 

Her sister Whitney is the funniest thing.

And her father Daryl is beyond amazing.

I love them all soooo my own family.

This weekend they flew down to be with Navy and I on her special day.

It meant so much to me.

I am so grateful to have them all in my life. I am a lucky girl.

P.S. - That is the sock bun on Whitney's head....I want to try it so bad.


Looked like this

1. Failed pound cake that caught on fire while I was on the phone with my cousin, she helped me get the fire out. 
2. My oven caked in pound cake and baking soda. It was super fun to clean.
3. I ran my dishwasher 4 times yesterday...and the dishes I need to return are piling up.
4. Burned the biscuits we had for dinner

And then this....

And it all seemed OK.