Wednesday, July 30, 2008

"I jumped on a trampoline with him once"

So this is a story. A story of love and loss, action and adventure, head scratching and scoliosis. ANY and I mean ANY similarity in someones life is purely coincidental......

Once upon a time there was a girl named....ummm.....Betty. Yeah Betty. Betty was a nice girl. Some say even pretty and kind and talented and funny and humble and awesome at Rockband. But Betty was cursed. Cursed with the distaste for a few words in the English language. Betty stayed away from these words and when they crossed her path she would literally crawl into the fetal position and cry. Some of Betty's friends thought this was funny. They would use them over and over on sweet, naive Betty. Thankfully only a handful of her friends knew them.

One day her friends went to a land of magic (I mean not Disneyland or anything....come on...if this had happened in Disneyland...well someone would be cut if you know what I am sayin') . They went without Betty. They laughed and made merry and somewhere along the way....Betty's words became a topic of conversation. With this group was a boy....a boy we will call......Level 2. Betty's friends thought it would be awesome to tell Lv2 all of Betty's dreaded words. And so...they did...poor Betty.

The next day Betty attended she does every week because she is made of light and goodness. Upon arriving in Sunday School Betty was accosted with these very evil words by Lv2. "Oh my, Lv2 how could you ever know my most horrible words" cried Betty "Why no one but my good friends and family knows those words and I know none of them would ever EVER betray me like that". Lv2 smiled and said "well two of them did". " don't believe you, why do you say such lies?" Lv2 turned to walk away but before he did he whispered the names of the traitors. Jen...I mean Betty could she have been such a fool. To trust them. To trust....ummm...well we will call the first one Mae and the second one Phil Rivers. How could they have broken her heart with their deceit?

Betty ran all the way home (and when I say ran I mean she rode home with Miss). Upon entering her apartment she knew what had to be done. She knew she must have her revenge. But not on Mae. She was sure Mae had gotten caught up in the sinister plans of Phil Rivers. Such a sweet Canadian surely would not hurt her friend or keep things from her. No, It was Phil Rivers who needed to be punished but how? Betty was such a kind girl that her brain never thought of anything but kindness, rainbows, and Buffy (what....that's right Buffy). And then like a bolt of genius she had it. But she needed help.

The next day Betty contacted her friend Miss A. "Miss A my heart is broken" she said. "Please help me avenge my honor (whatever I know that does not fit but it sounded good). Miss A, who was also a very kind soul, could not resist. She could not stand seeing Betty so broken and hurt and cold. And so the two of them prepared the master plan.

That night....the plan was finished. They rolled this plan up in a cylinder poster holder and went on there way to a magical park full of water, slides, mini golf, and campers? I mean who camps here. Who plans a family vacation to Cherry Hill. Honestly. Who packs up the kids and says "come on fam...we are going down the street for a week". Anyway I digress. Betty and Miss A arrived and looked for the sporty little chariot Phil Rivers drove. was not there. They searched high and low. Betty and Miss A decided to go to Phil Rivers abode to deliver "the plan". But WAIT......isn't that Matty? Crap Betty get down. Uhhh OK there is Matt, Mae, Phil...crap Phil is looking over here.....umm OK I am going to comb my hair in front of my face....oh oh...there is....umm Betty you need to see this.........

So...Miss A and Betty headed back to the land of North Salt Lake. Betty decided she would just leave "the plan" on Phil River's porch and then text him something original like...."I left something on your porch". But upon arrival to Phil Rivers cottage Betty saw a cute little puppy outside....oh no.... and.....OH Phil Rivers mom outside. Betty sucked it up. She did not come this far for nothing. Betty coyly approached Phil Rivers nice mom with "the plan" in hand. "Ummm hi, could you do me a favor?" PR's mom looked at Betty....then looked at "the plan" then back to Betty "Yes" she said. "Ummm could you give this to your son" PR's cute mom smiles "Would you just like to put it in his room?".......Betty smiled......"No...that is fine"........the conversation went on for another while...but some things are better left to the imagination.

As Betty left a certain sense of triumph overcame her. Never before had Betty felt so alive. "I could get used to this Miss A.......winning I mean".

Drunk Men with Small Children

So Miss Aubry and I went and did a little Karaoke. It was pretty much like totally super fun to the max. Sang a little "Lady Marmalade", got hit on by drunk men, gave out my digits (to a girl), and got a buzz off Red Bull. So you know a usual Friday night.......

Yep it is Alice and Miss Aubry. I think we have a picture like this at every social function. I do not think we have ever matched as perfectly as we did that night. Where is Arnold?

The Key to any good time doing Karaoke is getting in good with the hosts. Lights, Camera, Charm......done and done. I am amazed I am single...well actually it seems I can only charm Karaoke hosts, drunk men and gay men.

Ha Ha guess again....we are not drunk.....just crazy!

Another tip to great Karaoke....know the bouncer so that when crazy drunk men tell you to quit hiding from them they can like you know "bounce" them.

Also be able to strike the perfect pageant pose...what the sweet hot mess am I doing?

As I said before...I can charm gay men..................We do not know where Captain Jack Winehouse came from...but he sure knew how to move.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Umm I guess Jennifer does the 24th?

Sooooo the 24th. Woo it has been a busy month. I really usually stay home and play video games. Perhaps I should blog about that one day. But for now it shall be about the 24th of July.

It started at the Megaplex. A spectacular showing of Mamma Mia and an even more spectacular trailer of High School Musical 3. Then fireworks at the park. The perfect day!

Of course the regulars. Miss Aubry, Alice and Arnold

So EP craved glow sticks like a candy kid. So he reached inside his fanny pack retrieved some money and he was on his way.

Matty made the perfect pillow

Finally Canada attends an American event

Miss Aubry, Matty and Me

What would a holiday be without a spoon train and boys that are totally bored with taking pictures.

Again memories of another life......

So there you have it. The next fireworks I will see will be at Disneyland or a tent!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

One Year Anniversary and The Police....Purely Coincidental

So Tuesday the 15th of July marked my one year. ONE YEAR. I can not believe it! I never EVER thought that I would make it this long. Not only that I did not think I would survive last year. BUT I DID!!!!! Damn Right! So Friday the 18th my friends put together a little shin dig for me. We went and saw "Dark Knight", went to dinner and then back to Canada's for cake and presents. I do not think words can express how grateful I am for my friends. What a blessing they all have been. Honestly every one of them have been put in my life for a specific purpose. It all becomes very clear to me as we become closer. I am so thankful for the second chance I have been given at living my life.

I have included some pics that were taken to commemorate this occasion. Few things to look for:
  • Notice that I am laughing at the DVD I opened. It is "Trekkies" from Canada and that movie was HI-larious

  • The CD is called "The Sobriety Variety". Kudos to EP and Red

  • On the table there is a raspberry cake (my favorite) from Kitty's from Brookie, a Tres Leche cake that says "Damn Straighth", and a dozen of the yummiest cupcakes from Miss Aubry. Needless to say we did not lack sweet cake like treats

  • There is a picture of me opening a tent. That is all.

The Police

Saturday the 19th EP, Red, Arnold, and I went to The Police Concert......ummm and it ROCKED. After devastating crushes that turned out to be gay it was good to see one on stage that was still...well you know....straight. What a voice that guy has. Plus we were surrounded by drunk people and I was sober so that was new. Pretty sure EP was hit on by a drunk frat guy in True Religion Jeans and also pretty sure that no one over the age of 55 should stand in front of their husband awkwardly dancing while their husband keeps the rhythm on their upper thigh. Also one hundred percent certain Red should NEVER demonstrate that on me again.

I have smattered this blog with pictures that will give you a sampling of that fine evening and the after-party after. Which was actually all four of us realizing we did not get any group photos so we snapped some in the car waiting to get out of the parking lot. Thanks to Brookie and her handy camera. "We'll be great, We'll be good, We'll be awesome"

Umm yeah we are pretty hard core soooo........

Cute kids and their Crest smiles

Ok taking a picture of four people in a compact car is highly difficult


Again difficult

Apparently, Red can not convince just anyone to play with her hair

The Princess Carry

Ok so for all you young gents out there....we want you to know there is only one proper way to carry a girl. That is the princess carry. Please allow my friends to demonstrate....

First, identify your princess.....a good place to look is floats. They like to hang out there.....

Next, position yourself squarely behind your choice and bend your knees........ (Ed Parker knock it off this is educational.....geez)

Have your princess wrap her arms around your neck......

So sometimes it helps if she can get on a know.....logistics.....

And you lift give a jubliant yell. Like "ha ha I have you now" or "Thundercats...HO"

Gently place you princess back on the ground. Ask her if she is impressed with your mad lifting skills and invite her back to your tent.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Ummm Cutest Kids Ever

Seriously......look at those faces. Enough said.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Jennifer Does The Fourth!

Happy Fourth of July! What a great day! I do not know if anyone remembers what I was doing last Fourth of July....well I went and saw "Transformers" and celebrated the last 10 days of my independence for a long 5 months. Even now I get severely emotional thinking of where I was one year ago as opposed to where I am now. I am amazed when I think of the blessings that have come into my life in one short year. What great opportunities have literally fallen right into my lap. One of those opportunities was "Aubry, Alice, and Arnold celebrate the fourth". It was a fun filled day consisting of parades, water, fireworks, KFC, and 24 Diet Cokes.


So at 7:00 AM on my day off we headed down to Provo. Let me repeat that for those that passed out from disbelief. So at 7:00 AM ON MY DAY OFF we headed down to PROVO. Two things that are not my favorite. Early mornings and Utah County. Diet Coke please. Thankfully I had two fantastic girls with me, so they protected me from the hypocrisy, the size 2's, and the oxycontin. Anyway I digress. We found ourselves a prime viewing spot of the Provo Parade. As we settled.....something caught my eye. Well a whole group of somethings.....

Yeah....Yeah.....IT was an entire line of Star Wars Characters. As an entry in the Provo Parade....Woot! I mean I am a fan do not get me wrong but..........Huh only in Utah County. Other highlights...........

I was able to control my rage and sit quietly on my hands with my mouth shut as Glenn Beck passed. I just closed my eyes and hummed hymns to keep the spirit with me........Diet Coke please!

Orem Institute of Religion. Wow. I mean WOW. They were singing "Going to the temple" in the style of "Going to the chapel". So You know.....Only in Utah County.

Again...only in Utah County

We bought festive Fourth of July crowns.......

The brave souls in the car are so happy to see a fellow sister in the cause. I mean really thought I would see Hannah Montana before I saw this glorious sight

All in all is was a fantastic Parade..........Diet Coke please

Fireworks at Sugar House Park

Honestly I look at this picture and I am again amazed at how happy I am. Like I honestly am. Sure I still have to go to work, I still stress daily about the boy I adore, I still wonder why I can not lose the "last 5 pounds", and I still worry the Chargers will not win the Super Bowl. But you know...I am super happy. I have a great family. I have great friends. The Atonement is pretty much the greatest thing ever.

We had a good sized group with us. The usual suspects minus Ginger and Matty (if I had had a forty I would have poured it on the sidewalk). Fireworks, spooning, and friends.

Me and Miss Aubry

Me And Arnold

Aubry, Shorts, Arnold and Alice

Cutest Fourth of July Baby Contest Winner

Spooning Fourth of July Style.

Seriously...I have great group of friends.....I am lucky.

Here is to the 24th of July!