Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Once upon a time there was a girl named....ummm.....Betty. Yeah Betty. Betty was a nice girl. Some say even pretty and kind and talented and funny and humble and awesome at Rockband. But Betty was cursed. Cursed with the distaste for a few words in the English language. Betty stayed away from these words and when they crossed her path she would literally crawl into the fetal position and cry. Some of Betty's friends thought this was funny. They would use them over and over on sweet, naive Betty. Thankfully only a handful of her friends knew them.
One day her friends went to a land of magic (I mean not Disneyland or anything....come on...if this had happened in Disneyland...well someone would be cut if you know what I am sayin') . They went without Betty. They laughed and made merry and somewhere along the way....Betty's words became a topic of conversation. With this group was a boy....a boy we will call......Level 2. Betty's friends thought it would be awesome to tell Lv2 all of Betty's dreaded words. And so...they did...poor Betty.
The next day Betty attended church...like she does every week because she is made of light and goodness. Upon arriving in Sunday School Betty was accosted with these very evil words by Lv2. "Oh my, Lv2 how could you ever know my most horrible words" cried Betty "Why no one but my good friends and family knows those words and I know none of them would ever EVER betray me like that". Lv2 smiled and said "well two of them did". "What...no...never...I...I don't believe you, why do you say such lies?" Lv2 turned to walk away but before he did he whispered the names of the traitors. Jen...I mean Betty gasped...how could she have been such a fool. To trust them. To trust....ummm...well we will call the first one Mae and the second one Phil Rivers. How could they have broken her heart with their deceit?
Betty ran all the way home (and when I say ran I mean she rode home with Miss). Upon entering her apartment she knew what had to be done. She knew she must have her revenge. But not on Mae. She was sure Mae had gotten caught up in the sinister plans of Phil Rivers. Such a sweet Canadian surely would not hurt her friend or keep things from her. No, It was Phil Rivers who needed to be punished but how? Betty was such a kind girl that her brain never thought of anything but kindness, rainbows, and Buffy (what....that's right Buffy). And then like a bolt of genius she had it. But she needed help.
The next day Betty contacted her friend Miss A. "Miss A my heart is broken" she said. "Please help me avenge my honor (whatever I know that does not fit but it sounded good). Miss A, who was also a very kind soul, could not resist. She could not stand seeing Betty so broken and hurt and cold. And so the two of them prepared the master plan.
That night....the plan was finished. They rolled this plan up in a cylinder poster holder and went on there way to a magical park full of water, slides, mini golf, and campers? I mean who camps here. Who plans a family vacation to Cherry Hill. Honestly. Who packs up the kids and says "come on fam...we are going down the street for a week". Anyway I digress. Betty and Miss A arrived and looked for the sporty little chariot Phil Rivers drove. Alas.....it was not there. They searched high and low. Betty and Miss A decided to go to Phil Rivers abode to deliver "the plan". But WAIT......isn't that Matty? Crap Betty get down. Uhhh OK there is Matt, Mae, Phil...crap Phil is looking over here.....umm OK I am going to comb my hair in front of my face....oh oh...there is....umm Betty you need to see this.........
So...Miss A and Betty headed back to the land of North Salt Lake. Betty decided she would just leave "the plan" on Phil River's porch and then text him something original like...."I left something on your porch". But upon arrival to Phil Rivers cottage Betty saw a cute little puppy outside....oh no.... and.....OH Phil Rivers mom outside. Betty sucked it up. She did not come this far for nothing. Betty coyly approached Phil Rivers nice mom with "the plan" in hand. "Ummm hi, could you do me a favor?" PR's mom looked at Betty....then looked at "the plan" then back to Betty "Yes" she said. "Ummm could you give this to your son" PR's cute mom smiles "Would you just like to put it in his room?".......Betty smiled......"No...that is fine"........the conversation went on for another while...but some things are better left to the imagination.
As Betty left a certain sense of triumph overcame her. Never before had Betty felt so alive. "I could get used to this Miss A.......winning I mean".
Ha Ha guess again....we are not drunk.....just crazy!
Another tip to great Karaoke....know the bouncer so that when crazy drunk men tell you to quit hiding from them they can like you know "bounce" them.
Also be able to strike the perfect pageant pose...what the sweet hot mess am I doing?
As I said before...I can charm gay men..................We do not know where Captain Jack Winehouse came from...but he sure knew how to move.
Friday, July 25, 2008
It started at the Megaplex. A spectacular showing of Mamma Mia and an even more spectacular trailer of High School Musical 3. Then fireworks at the park. The perfect day!
Of course the regulars. Miss Aubry, Alice and Arnold
So EP craved glow sticks like a candy kid. So he reached inside his fanny pack retrieved some money and he was on his way.
So there you have it. The next fireworks I will see will be at Disneyland or a tent!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I have included some pics that were taken to commemorate this occasion. Few things to look for:
- Notice that I am laughing at the DVD I opened. It is "Trekkies" from Canada and that movie was HI-larious
- The CD is called "The Sobriety Variety". Kudos to EP and Red
- On the table there is a raspberry cake (my favorite) from Kitty's from Brookie, a Tres Leche cake that says "Damn Straighth", and a dozen of the yummiest cupcakes from Miss Aubry. Needless to say we did not lack sweet cake like treats
- There is a picture of me opening a tent. That is all.
Saturday the 19th EP, Red, Arnold, and I went to The Police Concert......ummm and it ROCKED. After devastating crushes that turned out to be gay it was good to see one on stage that was still...well you know....straight. What a voice that guy has. Plus we were surrounded by drunk people and I was sober so that was new. Pretty sure EP was hit on by a drunk frat guy in True Religion Jeans and also pretty sure that no one over the age of 55 should stand in front of their husband awkwardly dancing while their husband keeps the rhythm on their upper thigh. Also one hundred percent certain Red should NEVER demonstrate that on me again.
I have smattered this blog with pictures that will give you a sampling of that fine evening and the after-party after. Which was actually all four of us realizing we did not get any group photos so we snapped some in the car waiting to get out of the parking lot. Thanks to Brookie and her handy camera. "We'll be great, We'll be good, We'll be awesome"
Cute kids and their Crest smiles
Ok taking a picture of four people in a compact car is highly difficult
Apparently, Red can not convince just anyone to play with her hair
Next, position yourself squarely behind your choice and bend your knees........ (Ed Parker knock it off this is educational.....geez)
Have your princess wrap her arms around your neck......
And LIFT......as you lift give a jubliant yell. Like "ha ha I have you now" or "Thundercats...HO"
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
PROVO PARADE (FREEDOM FESTIVAL)
So at 7:00 AM on my day off we headed down to Provo. Let me repeat that for those that passed out from disbelief. So at 7:00 AM ON MY DAY OFF we headed down to PROVO. Two things that are not my favorite. Early mornings and Utah County. Diet Coke please. Thankfully I had two fantastic girls with me, so they protected me from the hypocrisy, the size 2's, and the oxycontin. Anyway I digress. We found ourselves a prime viewing spot of the Provo Parade. As we settled.....something caught my eye. Well a whole group of somethings.....
Yeah....Yeah.....IT was an entire line of Star Wars Characters. As an entry in the Provo Parade....Woot! I mean I am a fan do not get me wrong but..........Huh only in Utah County. Other highlights...........
I was able to control my rage and sit quietly on my hands with my mouth shut as Glenn Beck passed. I just closed my eyes and hummed hymns to keep the spirit with me........Diet Coke please!
All in all is was a fantastic Parade..........Diet Coke please
Fireworks at Sugar House Park
Honestly I look at this picture and I am again amazed at how happy I am. Like I honestly am. Sure I still have to go to work, I still stress daily about the boy I adore, I still wonder why I can not lose the "last 5 pounds", and I still worry the Chargers will not win the Super Bowl. But you know...I am super happy. I have a great family. I have great friends. The Atonement is pretty much the greatest thing ever.
We had a good sized group with us. The usual suspects minus Ginger and Matty (if I had had a forty I would have poured it on the sidewalk). Fireworks, spooning, and friends.
Spooning Fourth of July Style.
Seriously...I have great group of friends.....I am lucky.
Here is to the 24th of July!