Monday, August 25, 2008

Everything I ever needed to know in life I learned from "Saved by the Bell"

HA you laugh. But seriously. Is there a lesson that has NOT been learned or dealt with on "Saved by the Bell"? Honestly if I just would have learned from Jessie's battle with caffeine pills, well my life might be a whole heck of alot different. So I have put together a list of things we could all learn from SBTB. I think I just might have revolutionized life as anyone knows it.

Don’t do drugs – This of course comes from the infamous caffeine pill episode. Poor Jessie. You can really learn so many lessons from this episode. Like: All it takes to get over an addiction is a night in bed and good therapy, believe your friend when he say’s “I think Jessie is on drugs”, and when you are using drugs do not EVER let anyone get into your backpack…..stupid Jessie.

Don’t fight over the same girl – This is a common theme. Kelly of course is the focus of most of the competing. But there was also the new girl at the beginning of season five (who was so turned off by Zack and Slater that she never returned in a single episode), Jennifer, Slaters old girlfriend, and the school nurse. But my favorite was when Zack kissed Lisa and Screech saw. Screech wanted to fight but Zack wouldn’t so Screech ripped open Zack’s shirt. Moral of the story…no shirt is ever worth a friendship. Wait no… girl is ever worth a friendship.

Dating every girl in your group eventually leads to the right one – Zack Morris. Stud extraordinaire. Dated OR made-out with EVERY GIRL IN HIS GROUP. Kelly (check) Jessie (check) Lisa (check) Tori (check). But he ended up with the first girl. The one he was meant for. Kelly Kapowski. But seriously EVERY GIRL. Yeah….up top.

Stereotypes are totally OK – With last names like Nerdstrom and Geekman…..well….SBTB showed us that it is totally OK to stereotype people. The Geeks, the dumb jocks, and the ditzy blonde. Classic. Plus remember when Violet would not sing in the glee club competition and Zack said to Screech "hey, she's your woman take her out in the hall and convince her". That is how you treat a woman.

Sometimes you need 45 best friends – Zack Morris names Screech, Slater, Jessie and Kelly as his best friends in separate episodes. Sometimes you just need a lot of support….from 45 best friends

Everyone deserves a one and done – This theory is all over SBTB. Like when Zack dates the girl in the wheelchair, when Zack dates Rhonda, When Jessie dates the short guy, but the main one is Senior Prom. Out of the kindness of her heart Lisa asks Screech to Prom. I mean that is just precious.

Tori Spelling can act – Violet Bickerstaff. Done and Done

Talents can magically appear – So remember Glee club? Kelly can not sing AT ALL. But you throw a record contract at her and all of a sudden she is Jessica Simpson (wait she can’t sing either) all of a sudden she is Duffy. And what about Zack attack? I mean she really picks and chooses.

If you are popular you can do anything – Skip class, hang out in the principals office, play in a band, be in a doo wop group, pick on nerds, talk at every school assembly,……..I mean the list goes on and on. What it comes down to is if you are popular you really are better than other people.

Being popular is hard – Huh, well you know when every girl wants you and you are wanted at every social function…..well that can be pretty hard….poor Zack Morris. Apparently this keeps people up at night.

Mullets can be cool if you are captain of the football team – Seriously AC Slater sported a mullet and terrible fashion for 5 seasons….still got the chicks.

You strum a bass – Just ask Lisa Turtle

All it takes to get a record deal is a work-out video – Hot Fudge Sundae anyone?

It’s OK to date a 16 year old when you are like 22 – Jeff did it, Zack did it, which makes it OK. As long as you don’t cheat on the 16 year old.

So there you have it. I know there are a ton more, another blog full. But for now, learn these. They can only make your life easier

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The day the earth stood still.....oh and Red fixes my toilet

Most of you know I am a pretty easy going girl. Laid back, chillaxed, mellow (stop laughing ,I said stop laughing seriously please stop because I really am generally happy go lucky...yeah I remember when the sheep got out and I said it was not like this in AZ, Yeah I remember when you ripped a button off my expensive hoodie, but give me a make it sound like I am an over sensitive crazy person. So am I to assume the laughing is not going to stop? Fine whatever.). But there are some things that send me right over the edge. Things like same side sitters, when people record the M word on my phone in low pornographic tones, and when those deemed unworthy touch, think or breath around my Chargers blanket. This blanket is sacred. It and it alone holds the power needed to send my beloved Chargers to the Super Bowl. It is also highly sensitive to evil and has been known to lose some of it's amazing power when unbelievers feel the need to touch it. This is where my story begins............

The Day The Earth Stood Still

It was a sultry Saturday morning. Betty slept peacefully. Thankful for the small reprive she received in the way of sleeping in before a few hours of work. But Betty was pulled from her slumber by the sound of her front door closing. Now Betty, well she was alone in her apartment seeing how BFF was rafting. Betty was up like a shot. Someone was going to get a knuckle sandwich and or a hair pulling and screaming at. But when Betty ran to her front room the most peculiar thing. The deadbolt was locked and she was all alone. Betty KNEW someone had been in her house.....her slayer sense was tingling. But who? Someone who had a key. But who? Who would sneak in and scare poor Betty to death? The only person she could think of was Phil Rivers...considering he felt he needed to avenge himself. But she knew that Phil Rivers would not creep into a single girls apartment early in the morning......well she knew he would not creep into HER apartment early in the Hannah Montana.........that was a different story. Then she had a thought. Who would join Team Phil? I mean MATT was there. It was clear BFF had already defected...but would Mae? Had she betrayed me? As the truth sunk in, Betty felt her heart break. The only solace she received was that she and Mae were going to lunch that day and Mae would not have the chance to fulfill her evil charge. Phil had been thwarted thanks to a 9:00 work day.

So off to lunch, and movies, and shopping, and misunderstandings. When Betty arrived home she walked into her room. Something was not right. No not right at all. It felt cold...hollow....sad. She looked down. What.....WHOA......WHOA.....what is that....a Cowboys blanket....but where is.....wait where NO NO NO where is my Chargers blanket? Phil Rivers HAD STOLEN BETTY'S CHARGERS BLANKET. Betty fell to her knees.....she felt the blood leave her head. She felt faint. "How could he have taken what was most precious?" "What did I, a sweet gentle girl, do to deserve this?" All she ever wanted was to be Phil Rivers friend. And because of that her world was shattered. Betty called Mae and got the confirmation she needed. Mae had turned to Team Phil. Phil had her blanket and was on his way to Mordor with it or something. Betty stood silent in her hall......the earth stood still.

Now the end of the story is happy. Betty received her blanket back (on the ground outside her house thanks to Phil's botched attempt to wound Betty even more). The Cowboys blanket was returned to it's rightful owner. But for one miserable night.....Betty knew what it must feel like to be completely alone. The night Betty slept without her Chargers blanket. That night will forever be etched in Betty's broken heart. So if giving Betty one night of complete misery in a black hole of pain was what you were going for well.......go Team Phil.

(Honestly...probably the best prank ever.....I laughed for hours. Good job Team Phil)

So today I was at Family Dollar. I was in line behind a striking young man. He had blond hair...all shaved except for a rats tail down the back. He was wearing a lime green shirt that simply said "I love Burritos". He was also wearing Scooby-Doo pajama pants. But the best thing about it was that he was buying a toilet seat. At Family Dollar. Yeah that is what I said....."that reminds me my toilet seat is broken". So...well the picture says it all. I mean what are BFF's for if not for fixing toilet seats? Oh and bringing you home prizes from rafting trips...things like 3 foot long gummy snakes.......