Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The day the earth stood still.....oh and Red fixes my toilet

Most of you know I am a pretty easy going girl. Laid back, chillaxed, mellow (stop laughing ,I said stop laughing seriously please stop because I really am generally happy go lucky...yeah I remember when the sheep got out and I said it was not like this in AZ, Yeah I remember when you ripped a button off my expensive hoodie, but give me a make it sound like I am an over sensitive crazy person. So am I to assume the laughing is not going to stop? Fine whatever.). But there are some things that send me right over the edge. Things like same side sitters, when people record the M word on my phone in low pornographic tones, and when those deemed unworthy touch, think or breath around my Chargers blanket. This blanket is sacred. It and it alone holds the power needed to send my beloved Chargers to the Super Bowl. It is also highly sensitive to evil and has been known to lose some of it's amazing power when unbelievers feel the need to touch it. This is where my story begins............

The Day The Earth Stood Still

It was a sultry Saturday morning. Betty slept peacefully. Thankful for the small reprive she received in the way of sleeping in before a few hours of work. But Betty was pulled from her slumber by the sound of her front door closing. Now Betty, well she was alone in her apartment seeing how BFF was rafting. Betty was up like a shot. Someone was going to get a knuckle sandwich and or a hair pulling and screaming at. But when Betty ran to her front room the most peculiar thing. The deadbolt was locked and she was all alone. Betty KNEW someone had been in her house.....her slayer sense was tingling. But who? Someone who had a key. But who? Who would sneak in and scare poor Betty to death? The only person she could think of was Phil Rivers...considering he felt he needed to avenge himself. But she knew that Phil Rivers would not creep into a single girls apartment early in the morning......well she knew he would not creep into HER apartment early in the Hannah Montana.........that was a different story. Then she had a thought. Who would join Team Phil? I mean MATT was there. It was clear BFF had already defected...but would Mae? Had she betrayed me? As the truth sunk in, Betty felt her heart break. The only solace she received was that she and Mae were going to lunch that day and Mae would not have the chance to fulfill her evil charge. Phil had been thwarted thanks to a 9:00 work day.

So off to lunch, and movies, and shopping, and misunderstandings. When Betty arrived home she walked into her room. Something was not right. No not right at all. It felt cold...hollow....sad. She looked down. What.....WHOA......WHOA.....what is that....a Cowboys blanket....but where is.....wait where NO NO NO where is my Chargers blanket? Phil Rivers HAD STOLEN BETTY'S CHARGERS BLANKET. Betty fell to her knees.....she felt the blood leave her head. She felt faint. "How could he have taken what was most precious?" "What did I, a sweet gentle girl, do to deserve this?" All she ever wanted was to be Phil Rivers friend. And because of that her world was shattered. Betty called Mae and got the confirmation she needed. Mae had turned to Team Phil. Phil had her blanket and was on his way to Mordor with it or something. Betty stood silent in her hall......the earth stood still.

Now the end of the story is happy. Betty received her blanket back (on the ground outside her house thanks to Phil's botched attempt to wound Betty even more). The Cowboys blanket was returned to it's rightful owner. But for one miserable night.....Betty knew what it must feel like to be completely alone. The night Betty slept without her Chargers blanket. That night will forever be etched in Betty's broken heart. So if giving Betty one night of complete misery in a black hole of pain was what you were going for well.......go Team Phil.

(Honestly...probably the best prank ever.....I laughed for hours. Good job Team Phil)

So today I was at Family Dollar. I was in line behind a striking young man. He had blond hair...all shaved except for a rats tail down the back. He was wearing a lime green shirt that simply said "I love Burritos". He was also wearing Scooby-Doo pajama pants. But the best thing about it was that he was buying a toilet seat. At Family Dollar. Yeah that is what I said....."that reminds me my toilet seat is broken". So...well the picture says it all. I mean what are BFF's for if not for fixing toilet seats? Oh and bringing you home prizes from rafting trips...things like 3 foot long gummy snakes.......


simplysarah said...

Dear BFF,

It's gone, huh. That other post. Well I just wanted to tell you that it was fun watching Buffy with you. I will buy you some diet coke when I can.

Love, Sarah

kelzone said...

jen it's your friend's favorite little sister...meaning like of all your friends with sisters, i am the favorite...i might even be your favorite above your friends...anyway, my point is, did you get the burrito man's name or phone number? cause i would like to ask him where he got his shirt...then maybe meet/befriend/date him...for real

simplysarah said...

i think a trend has been started...