Wednesday, September 9, 2009

What is your definition?

I find it interesting sometimes how skewed peoples perspective of themselves are. I mean some people think that they have a base of kindness and love when in fact inside they seethe with anger and fear. Because of this they hold others to their skewed view. Expecting things that they themselves do not do.

So what is you definition of social graces and kindness? Is it please and thank you? Is the yes sir yes ma'am? Is it mother may I? Is it boldly expressing your opinion on things that mean the world to you? Is it hiding behind hurtful words in the wee hours of the morning? Is it yelling at people behind a closed door? Is it being passive-aggressive? Is it looking down on others while buzzing on an intercom? Is it ignoring people, is it holding a grudge, is it expecting things of people that are not possible? And most it treating people with a pseudo respect all the while thinking you are better because your thoughts matter and the rest of the world is not smart enough or open minded enough to understand.

I think it is interesting that every person has a different opinion of kindness. I have been treated cruelly by those who think they are generally nice and polite. I have also done the same. Been cruel and hurtful....all while touting that I try my hardest to be nice. But I have NEVER felt that I was the only nice girl and others were cruel because they were different or handled things in a different manner.

I only hope I can cement my definition and live by it.


aubry. said...

Word, sister.

My favorite thing lately is to be nice to people who try REALLY hard to hate me. And I keep plugging away at the nice bit, even when they're not gracious recipient.

Ooh, ooh! My other favorite thing? Being myself and telling it like it is, standing for truth, in word and deed... Even if that means I am cursed at and treated horribly. Feels so good.

Ryan W said...

Interesting you brought this up.

I, for one, would like to take an anonymous poll of people who know me just to find out what they really think about me. I'm fairly confident most people don't like me and are only polite becuase of perceived social requirements but still, it would be interesting to find out.

Social graces are an aquired skill and yes, sometimes it does involve being nice to someone when you don't like them in order to fulfill your part of the 'social contract.'

Sweet J said...

Its true (I mean for everyone). I am fairly certain that there are those that surround me that fake it because they have to. Here is my question. Would you rather have them fake it or be real. Both hurt...but which one worse.

Deep...I know (Thats what never mind)

Ryan W said...

Dave Chappelle has taught us well what happens when keepin' it real goes wrong. That being said, the feeling of finding out someone was being fake is much worse than if they were just upfront about it.

Let us remember, however, that keepin' it real does not equate to being rude. If you legitimately have beef with someone there is a polite way to go about it which is why, for me, it can be more palatable than if they were fake.

Not too deep. (TWSS)

Ruthie said...

I find your post so interesting, because I've been wondering about self-perceptions a LOT lately, and even read an article in Psychology Today about them. (I learned that having other people's view of ourselves is extremely helpful in our view of oneself [what? I wasn't completely thrown by that, but it was still nice to hear straight out], because we all have blind-spots in our self-perception. So, I've been asking random people how they see's been an odd experience.)

Kindness is definitely subjective and open to everybody's different perspective on the matter. I find it extremely hard to be honest about some things that I *know* would offend someone horribly, but I try to be honest anyway...which doesn't always happen. But, being carelessly and thoughtlessly honest, whether to be funny or just not thinking the situation through, has kicked me in the ass more than once.

Sincerity with tact is probably what I view as the pinnacle of social graces and kindness. It doesn't hurt to have good manners and whatnot either, but sincerity backs itself up while tact tries to soften whatever blows might be thrown by an honest response.