Addiction

By now you know I am a recovering addict.

Or maybe you didn't so...I am a recovering addict.

Or better still.....hi, I am Jen and I am a drug addict.

Miss posted this gem last week and it got me to thinking.

I have a story.

People tell me they want to hear my story.

I don't believe them....it's just a story.

But, lately it seems addiction is all around me. It has touched more people than I ever knew.

So here is my story. And perhaps it will help one person triumph. 

I grew up in relatively normal circumstances. There were issues at home and issues in my childhood, but none of that is really important. I was married when I was 21 or 22...I can't remember. I was a terrible wife. I hurt that man. I got married to get out of my house to someone I did not love. We were divorced 2 years later.

This is where my story begins.

I took it upon myself to make up for all the time I lived straight laced as a teenager. I moved in with a friend and we partied. A lot. I dabbled in cocaine and pills at that time, but never really felt the addiction urge. 

Until him.

I met him at a bar. I had to have him. It took me year. We moved in together. Things got bad. He got hurtful and abusive. I started taking drugs.

My DOC (drug of choice) was Lortab. At my height....and I am not lying...I was taking close to 80 a day. that is not an exaggeration....it is a fact. I worked in dental offices so securing fraudulent prescriptions was easy. 

I stayed with him for four years. I left in the middle of the day. That is a story close and sacred to my heart. All I can say is this. God looks out for us even when we think we do not deserve it. He answers prayers, even if it is the first one you have uttered in 6 years.

I moved to Utah. Continued my drug use. Was fired from jobs, caught for prescription fraud....sent to rehab.

I detoxed at Lakeview Hospital, the same hospital were I had my daughter.

I was in rehab for 3 months. Graduated with flying colors. Relapsed within a month. 

I was missing the piece I needed to stay sober. 

On July 14th 2007, I arrived home from a vacation in San Diego. When I got home my mother sat me down and told me that she had called the police and they were on their way to arrest me. I understood. I took 7 Lortab and waited. 

I was arrested in front of my mothers small apartment. I don't remember much...except it seemed all of the North Salt Lake police department was there. And my mothers face.....she was broken. It killed her to see this, yet she knew...she KNEW it was the right thing. 

I was booked into Davis County Jail. That first week I was pretty angry. I got a tattoo in jail that is still prominent on my toe and is apparently a gang sign. So I can keep you safe in Ogden....or wherever there is heavy gang activity....

This next part....is deeply spiritual so if you get offended by God close the window.

One night....I sat in my bunk....in a tiny cell...with a toilet and a roommate. How did I get here? In a moment of "what else can I do?" I asked my Heavenly Father if he was there. I got an OVERWHELMING confirmation that he was and that he loved me and that I was being looked after.

That THAT started my TRUE rehabilitation. I took the 6 months I had in jail and used it. I read and studied and prayed. I practiced faith and humility. Jail is a weird place to become spiritual....but I believe that Heavenly Father's presence can be there. 

When I was released....I was a new person. I wanted to be sober. I wanted to live a life in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I admit, I had an easier time than others. I was a secret user so I had NO drug friends. I had to make friends. And I did. Great friends who helped me stay sober that first year. I met my best friend....who loved me for who I was and not what I had done. I did not date anyone serious that first year, even though I met my husband two months out of jail. That year I just worked on me. 

I worked my way back into the church. I was engaged two months after being re-instated and going through 

the temple again. The Lord was just waiting for me to get my act together and once I did....he blessed me with the best husband and a sweet little baby girl. 

It was and still is not easy. I have to work at it everyday. I had a friend once tell me that I was lucky because I got to party for ten years then I got to repent and find a boyfriend. 

Lucky?

Addiction SUCKS. I lost a lot because of it. I would give ANYTHING for those 5 years back to travel, work, live. I hurt everyone around me and making up for that is hard. 

Lucky?

No. But I am blessed that I was able to overcome.

So how do I do it?

Daily communication with My Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ

Diligent remembrance of the blessings I have

Living an honest life

A clear knowledge that I do not want to go back to that place

Associating with those that uplift.... not drag down

That is how I do it.

It is not for everyone. 

But it works for me.

And that is what I need...for it to work for me.